Sunday, May 8, 2011

No Fun...

Happy Mother's Day! I was fortunate enough to have beautiful jewelry created for me by my boys. Odin told me that I looked like a princess. I'm not sure what princess movies he's been watching...

I'm certainly no princess. And what I've figured out recently is that I'm certainly no fun. After 6 years of being in mom mode I have lost the ability to have fun. Perhaps I sound like a lunatic, but I promise you I would not tell a lie. I became Super Mom as soon as I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I made a conscious, and perhaps stronger unconscious, decision to be a grown up and a good role model. That meant no drinking, no smoking, no driving fast, no breaking rules, putting my children first and me (and my husband) last and focusing on the home. We homeschool so there is even more focus on the children and home than would be, perhaps, by someone with kids in school. Maybe not. I have felt that I have to be responsible for everyone. Because I'm naturally a leader, a researcher, a fixer and a go-getter, I have taken on those roles in the home. In creating a safe, loving, rich and healthy environment for my children, I have lost myself. I know I'm not the only one.

I came to this realization the other night. My husband and I went out for his birthday. By ten o'clock I was done. I had two beers and I was bored. He had more than two beers and I found his jokes inappropriate and infantile. Don't get me wrong...I love my husband and I think he's hilarious! However, when we go out, I take the responsible role and I feel I have to make sure no one will get their ass kicked by saying silly stuff while out in public. Even when going out with friends, I have to monitor myself and my surroundings for fear of not being grown up enough.

How did this all happen? Why did I think it important to become so tightly wound?? I see other parents at barbecues having drinks while their children run around their legs. For some reason, I think that is inappropriate in my home; for my family. I fear being intoxicated and something happening to my children and not being able to help them.

I need to relax...but how do you do that with three boys under the age of six, a husband and a household to run?

I'm recognizing it's a step in the right direction, right? I aim to be like this chick below... That was me the summer before I got married.

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